My Demands!

Yes indeed, my demands. I can be demanding, you see. This is a quick entry about a small issue I have with my guild. One of the members verbally abused another one, pretty damn harsh too. Not your regular THROWIT THROWIT THROWIT YOU COCKFAG!!1, but serious harrassment. Doesn't matter really.

Anyway, the thread came up on the guild foramz, started by the victim (the abusée, if you will) and the officers responded with the demand for an explanation at the abusers'
address. To my knowledge, the answer never came. At least, not on the foramz and certainly not in that thread.

When I asked a few days later what happened to the thread, I got a reply that it was deleted since the matter had been resolved. Well, it didn't look like that from here. I never got to read the accused guys version of the events as they transpired (DANG FUCK YEAH finally used "transpired"), and I sure as Maggy's cubes didn't see a short note by an officer wrappign the whole thing up.

I am strongly against deleting such threads. Not just because it's fun to read them, but also because a guild forum is a guild forum, not an officer forum. Guildies should be able to read a thread back and add their opinions etc etc. Deleting a thread gives the idea of a bunch of elite pricks that deal justice as they see fit, not bothering to inform regular members.

And then there is the other side. I quit, I left the game. Does that automatically mean I quit my guild? Does it mean I have no grounds on which to ask for an explanation on a matter that has my interest?

Stamina

It's the 25th. My account is still inactive. Let's do cake. Looking back it was only hard the first week. The game is gone from my harddrive as well. No, you can't have my account nor my stuff. It went down with me and i like it that way.

Now what? Should I keep blogging? Probably not, this blag has served its purpose and I always like to think in terms of moving on. But because I'm such a slow mover, I consider it wise to burn my bridges sooner rather than later, usually while standing on them. People who have been guilded with me will not raise eyebrows when reading this, they will probably nod in agreement.

I could also just keep going and keep people informed. Ok, here's the future for you:

- Morrowind stuff is under way, I still love this game. Rolled a few chars, need moar! Screenies anyone? Hell, I'll do a Morrwind diary soon.
- LEGO. Yes, check Brothers Brick for a zillion reasons why this stuff is still the number one toy ever.
- Umm, more fiction/fantasy/writing doodles? This is up to the readers really, I can't be arsed if no-one gives feedback. I write to improve my writing, so the more criticism, the better. (In fact; I could log all critism and give my readers a crit-rating. ahah..ahhahaha. hum.)

Oh, here's the big secret: My first online forum experience was with people I knew irl as well. I trolled and spammed like a motherfucker until I pissed off the admin. When my ban was lifted I decided to adopt my old postcount as my new nickname. 4701.

GOSH THAT WAS EXCITING.

Almost there

It's the 22nd today, which means I'm two more days away from being WoWless for one month. I'm certain that I won't log on that very same day and start playing again. How can I be so certain? Let me explain.

I downed the free Spellborn mmo-game yesterday. It looks like the offspring WoW and Fable would have had after a short but incredibly steamy one-night stand. Well, Fable would approach it that way, WoW would probably have been grinding its way towards that night at least one month in advance. Anyway, Spellborn looks nice and play decent enough. But when I was running through one of the starting areas' lovely forests, it dawned on me:

"Young Bears slain 1/10"

HANG ON. This is going to take ages. Again. Yes it'll feel epic when you enter a new zone, but whetehr you're killing bears or Laquan'Tcha-pa-kai worker drones, 10 bears is still ten bears. Or Laquan'Tcha-pa-kai Worker Drones. After playing some single player RPG's (old stuff, Morrowind and NWN2) the total lack of pace that characterizes an epic mmorpg (epic as in big, yo) became glaringly obvious. Now I'm no fool and I understand that the businessmodel of an mmorpg demands that progress is that slow (more time played=more monthly fees)but I doubt I am willing to spend that much time again.

My old Morrowind main had 86 hours played, and had finished the main quest and almost all guild stuff. My WoW main has liek what, 40 days played? The gap is sizeable. So no more mmo for this man.

PS: the fiction stuff I wrote last time was about what would happen in five years time here in holland if a certain fascist politician would be in charge.

Yes, ofcourse I know fear

I look up at the poster, it's high on the wall so no-one can reach it. I wish I could tear it down and stamp out that smug fat grin, and set fire to that blonde hair that has been his trademark for so long now. I clench my teeth as my stomach tightens, the familiar knot of tension growing and growing.

"Dad, you're squeezing my hand, ow!" My daughter looks up at me, accusingly. The wind blows through her blonde hair, getting in her eyes. Blue eyes, you'll be safe for a while, if they don't force you to join the "constitution police". Rage is welling up again. Calm down, you're just taking an afternoon stroll with your daughter, there are still plenty of things to enjoy. Focus. Relax.

"Sorry dear, I didn't mean to." I notice that I'm still gripping her hand too tightly. She smiles as I let go of her hand, her gaze lingers slightly to long for comfort. Ah dear daughter, you may only be seven years old but you know exactly how your dad feels, don't you? I'm an open book to her. All my doubts and my fears, she knows them.

I notice the van coming into our street. It's not black, as you might expect from these people, just some harmless looking factory colour. It pulls up to the apartment block before ours and the men get out. Constitution police. My hart falls into my stomach again. They make their way through the staircase up to the first floor. I can see them knocking on the door once, then immediately kicking it in. They don't need to hide it anymore, do they? Two of them go in and come out with two women and an old man. It doesn't take a genius to figure out their origins. As the group rushes back along the corridor my daughters' hand seeks out mine again, now she's squeezing. You don't have to be an adult to sense the wrongness here, to feel everything holding it's breath, waiting for this to just go away.

And it goes away, taking three innocent people with them. We breathe again, though part of me wishes I didn't have to. I look at my little girl. She's puzzled and still looking down the road where the van drove off, seconds ago. I can almost feel her brain working, coping with what she just saw. "Dad?" She says it quietly, still staring. "Yes?" "That was bad, what those men did, wasn't it?"

"Yes, it was." And inside me, I ask myself where the hell I was. What did I do today to stop this from happening. I got angry at a picture. Coward. Am I? This is bigger than what just happened. They would have taken me, had I tried to stop them. How would I care for my daughter then? Coward. Excuses. Coward.

Me and my big mouth

We had a bring-your-own-food-party last night, Owlet and me. She had spent 8-odd hours in the kitchen preparing all the dishes (we were asked to make one or two so she made four, /love). According to her own blog, she went all Nigella. It was a succes! You can read up on the dishes she made here. Did I prepare something? Nope, but despite the fact that I have a few really nice dishes up my sleave, I'm no match for Owlets raging cuisine. Her gift for cooking is...well you should taste it. It's undescribably good.

Regarding todays' title, only when leaving the party I realized I had been talking all evening. In fact, I think nobody else got a word in while I was there. For some reason I just keep going if I'm in the mood, and since thre was good food and alcohol, my mood was that good that some people probably didnt even say hello to each other until I had left.

Is it a bad thing? Let's just say I'm fine with it. I suppose some people like hearing me talk and joke since that are not naturally talkative, but having one person always doing the talking certainly swings the mood in one direction. Last night it was a good direction, so it's okay. I'll be a bit more quiet next time.

Oh, Erik, from Braindisorder, sent me this a while back. I've been wondering how to comment on this. It's WoW-related yes. Does it concern my rehab-programme? No. I did not quit WoW because I got into trouble with 14 year old girls every weekend.

Sex with minors. Don't, people will fuck your shit up if you do. Whether that's justified or not, I don't know. There is an OCEAN of difference between being abused by a paedophile and maturing slightly ahead of your years and falling in love with an internet loser. Having said that, you need be either really fucking stupid to:

- Believe that someone claiming to be a girl on the internet IS really a girl.
- Believe that someone tells the truth about their age.
- Meet someone IRL after four years of chatting and doing her straight away
- Get caught. Idiot.

Or you are just damn desperate. It would help if this sort of news could be brought with pictures of both the dude and the dudette involved. Just to make things more understandable. Or less, of course.

A week unlike any other, yet very much the same

So this week wasn't my best. I'd been anticipating the job interview I had last wednesday, and it went really well. I'd been gunning for a job way out of my league, partly out of cluelessness and partly just because I know I can make a difference in any company I work for. I generate customers, I reel em in, I bring in the cash, whatever you want to call it. I have some skills that are rare, and I work hard enough improving them. In that light, the invite* itself was an achievement. So now I have a few more days to set up a marketing/sales plan to attract some big fish for my possible future employer. Yes, that is quite a challenge. Therefore, it's fun.

Good thing, because the euphoria of quitting WoW is fading fast. What seemed like tons of spare time can easily turn into horrifying marriage-wrecking boredom. And studying html with two kids screaming their lungs out is not a great idea. Also, is it a good idea? Or should I just take up knitting? I would like to knit my own caps and cuddly toys I guess.

Or hey, spend more time with your kids! Well, I do already. I'm not such a bad parent as I make myself out to be., not even when I was still palying WoW. But I never feel like it's enough. Games are easy. Hitcap is 9%? Ok I'll get it. But what's the cap on a diaper? Does it have a cap? Is it Bind on Equip? Can I craft them? SHOULD I craft them?

Relax, those questions don't even apply. Parenting is 50% following your intuition and the other 50% is ignoring most well-meant advice and using your common sense.

*) Obcsure WoW reference**, naturally.
**) "He's got sales experience! Invite him to the guild!" ***
***) Asterisk tricks stolen from Mr. T Pratchett ****
****) That's enough, really.

Yesterday I said I'd talk about to-do lists. But blogging wasn't on my list for today.

Luxury issues

Second day at work without internets. It's getting to me. I feel like I'm sitting behind my pc with a blindfold over one eye. Usually, when I need to call a client I just go to their site and ask whoever answers for the person I'm looking for. It saves me keeping track of everybody's extensions and other crap. Also, the people picking up the phone are probably being paid to do so; so I'm helping them out as well since they look busier trying to connect me.

That's the professional side of it. When it comes to the private part of it, things are EVEN MORE COMPLICATED. I usually have my wife "with me" by means of msn. I don't IRC, that's for nerds :> We dicscuss what I should get for dinner, and what our kids are doing, and what total fucking retarded bitches some co-workers can be. She is my connection to the world, linking me interesting recipies and knitting patterns (I don't knit, yet. I intend to learn after I learned html)and more stuff.

Ofcourse, you don't realize how comforting all that stuff is until you are without it. Today it got to a point where I would open up my old msn-logs and read back old conversations I had with my wife, just to get my comfort zone up and running.I failed miserably because none of the links worked /sadpanda.

PS: I changed the template, this one is better because less is more. So there.

Tomorrow: to-do lists.

It's no big thing

I ordered Neverwinter Nights 2 a few days ago, to have some sort of rpg fix nearby. I just love creating characters and arsing around with them. I don't think I actually ever finished an rpg-game, come to think of it.

Morrowind, I finished that. But Eye of the beholder 2, Baldurs Gate, Lands of Lore 2, ummm stuff, never finished them. On the other hand, I did finish Knight of the old republic, both Light and Dark endings. Dark ending is great, so is the entire last planet.

I think that the only rpg's I never finished were bnased on the D&D system...

This should bode well for NWN 2 then. I have some trouble getting to grips with the entire D&D system, I never tabletopped or anything so I'm clueless to what matters. In WoW, intellect = caster stat. But my paladin in NWN2 needs charisma for his spells, apparently. I suppose the Wiki is a good start, but anyone that can offer a good starter guide for this game is welcome to do so.

We also had no internet today at work, otherwise this post would have been up sooner ^__^

Seconds to spare

This is going to be a hasty post. After all, we are due to grab the train to my parents' place. Now my way of preparing is completely different from how my wife prepares.

My plan is such as this:

Target time: 12:17 at station
subtract 2 minutes for if train is early: 12:15
subtract 5 minutes for ticket machine to try and piss me off: 12:10

So it's a 7.50 minute walk for me when I solo it, but now I have my wife with me. Children won't be slowing us down since we carry them with these handy cloth things, don't know the english for it.

Assuming my wife slows me down, which is dangerous to even think, let alone voice the thought, we should be there within 10 minutes. Assuming the hassle you always get when packing up kids I need five minutes at least to prepare. So we are at 11:55 now.

Which is assuming we have everything packed in that we need to pack in. Did we? We did.

So we have ten minutes to spare. make that five since we need to get our coats. Hell, gimme five minutes aswell for emergencies.

got to go.

"Because we are grownups now, and it's our turn to decide what that means."

Hi guise, xkcd is a brilliant webcomic, but the episode I posted above just stands out. It moves me everytime I read it because it's so simple and so pure in it's innocence. And that innocence is what makes this one so good. I've noticed that, as my life smoothly slipped from my restless twenties to my quieter thirties that, even if you know better, as a couple with kids you try to comply with this image that exists of how "things should be".

A clean (sterile is prefered!) house, well groomed children, a car, a house, a mortgage etcetera etcetera. It seems like an endless list of stuff I need to have or do. While in fact, the opposite is true. For example if I had risked everything to get a mortgage and buy my own house six months ago, I'd be out on the street by now.

The (my) truth is that the superimposed image of the perfect family is not a conspiracy by evil megacompanies or governements. Those parties just utilise that image to achieve their own goals. I think the image is present in all of us. I think we all have a certain image of how a certain state of phase in your life has to look.

The sooner you can let go of that image, and fill your room with playpen balls, the better.

Progress without raiding o_0

Yeah thats right bitchez. I'm making RL progress! So much that I couldn't be arsed to blog last night. Lots of stuff going ON though. My wife is getting ready to get back to studying and I'm quite busy lining up a new job. Anything to get out of this dump, to be honest.

Looking at last week, I started out with some SRS CRVNGS for teH WOWZ. But for some reason, I stuck to the promise I made myself; no WoW for at least a month. And it worked. Forza2 is turning out to be more fun than expected, and daughter dearest stole a police car yesterday. She also had some trouble getting to sleep last night and it did not stress me out. In fact, since I quit WoW hardly anything does.

It soooo bleh to say it, but I really feel better. The evenings just seem so much easier with no pressure for dailies or raids. Now you could say that you can play the game without bothering with that stuff, but I didn't buy a game to play half of it. I've never been able to plan in a raid schedule and that has always been bothersome for me, since I have had to skip parts of the game due to that. I'm not interested in undressing my game experience even more, just to keep playing.

Thanks to a few very understanding people in a couple of very nice guilds I've managed to raid some TBC and Wrath stuff. But to be honest, why the hell would I want to keep doing that? And where does it end? Ulduar is coming out soon... So what? I realize I stopped caring about it today. I'm really grabbing some distance this week, finally being able to put some neutral ground between me and Warcraft, and being able to look at the game and the time it would consume, and the things it would draw attention from.

I've come to the conclusion it's not worth it anymore. My first intention was to stay clean for a month, and then play for month, and then make up my mind, but I think I don't need to do that anymore. I think my decision is made.

/target everyone I've met in that crazy pixelfest
/bow
/thank
/farewell

Catch ya on the flipside, and remember:

MORE FUCKING DOTS!1

Might just as well...

...ponder my situation here, so I can put my thoughts in order.

The thing is, i don't like my current job much. I'm already out looking for new work and I have a couple of things that will probably require me to do an interview sooner or later. Current employer does not know of this, but the time that I'm going to have to tell them is approaching rapidly.

What to tell them? They want me to stay, they are glad to have me on the team, but i know that I'm never going to be part of the team. I don't like the way they work, professionally speaking as wel as socially. I don't see a future here, so I need to go.

Well that was easy :-D

Old habits

My brain is still wired for Warcraft it seems. Whenever I sit down behind the pc my mouse automatically moves to the launcher icon, and I keep checking forums that are warcraft related.

The longer I keep this up the more it dawns on me that a: I could come back, b: I probably will and c: It would be better if I didn't. Because if the wiring remains intact this month, then its very easy to fall into the trap of spending more time in Azeroth than is good for me.

And we had just determined I don't want that.

Holy sweeped floors Batman!

It's another peaceful evenig at the house of rehab! Fosheezy, as Big Red Kitty would say. I have exactly nothing to report. I drank less wine today but that isn't news. It's more like common sense. On the other hand, is drinking even less than two glasses common sense or just me becoming some sort of a wuss? I should make a poll!

Baby is chilling in her "crib" next to me "yo", while toddler is already well underway to dreamland. We played GTA4 together this weekend, it was fun watching her shoot up a whole street. She doesn't call it GTA but "The game wiv the wed car!" ("lode auto spewe!", for dutch readers) It's probably a real bad thing to let her do that but hey, I was bored, and so was she.

That's it for today.